Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Victor? You're the worst pupil in your class." Said the father.

"What's that got to do with me? Is it my fault that the worst one was yesterday transferred to another school?" was the answer.

“维克多，你是班里最差的学生。你不觉得害臊吗？”爸爸说。

“这能怨我吗？谁让昨天最差的一个转到另一所学校去了呢？”维克多回答。

One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'


"What is cleverness? asked his son.


"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.


一天，父亲教育儿子说：“一个人成功的关键就是严守诺言和足够聪明。一旦你给了别人承诺，无论发生什么事，你都得实现它，这个就叫‘守诺言’。”


儿子问：“那么什么是聪明呢？”


父亲回答：“聪明就是任何时候都别做这样的承诺。”

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。

“我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。

“哦，那还好”。老板接着说。

“你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

Mommy is Hitting the Bottle妈妈在砸瓶子

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. The child said, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

一个妇人正在使劲打开番茄酱的瓶子。这时，电话铃响了，她叫四岁的女儿去接电话。小孩说：“妈妈现在不能接电话，她在砸瓶子。”

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".


一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜欢的CD机，他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说：“耶稣正在看着你。”他照着手电看来看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什么人在说话？”这时，他看到桌子上有些钱，他又拿了。。。那声音又来了：“耶稣正在看着你。”他躲到一个角落，想找出是谁在说话。结果看到一只鹦鹉，于是他问鹦鹉：“是你在说话吗？”鹦鹉承认了。 小贼说：“你叫什么名字？”“摩西”。小贼说：“什么人给鸟取这种名字？”鹦鹉回答：“就是那个给他的罗威那犬取名为‘耶稣’的那个人啊

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time.


Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.


Teacher: I don't see any bandages.


Kevin: Oh, they weren't mine. I told my little sister to hold the nail.


老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了？


凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。


老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀？


凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头。我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."

"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.


一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问：“有什么可以帮你吗？”那个人解释说：“我本来要去做头发移植，但实在太疼了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。”


“没问题，”发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。

Nouns 名词

Teacher: A noun is the name of a person or thing. Now, who can give me a noun?

First boy: A cow.

Teacher: Very good. Another noun?

Second boy: Another cow.

教师：名词就是一个人或一种物的名称。现在谁能给我举出一个名词？

第一个男孩：一头奶牛。

教师：很好。谁再举一个名词？

第二个男孩：另一头奶牛。

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"

一个商人走进纽约一家银行询问信贷员。他说他准备出差去欧洲两个星期需要借款5000美金。信贷员说银行借款需要提供担保品。商人马上掏出停在银行门前的劳斯莱斯汽车的钥匙。一切手续办妥后银行信贷员接受了汽车做为贷款的抵押。店员把汽车开到银行地下车库并停放在那里。

两个星期后商人从欧洲回来，偿还了5000元借款以及15.41元的利息。信贷员问：“非常感谢您的光顾，这笔交易做得也很完美，但是我们有一个疑问，你离开后我们查了一下发现您是一个富翁。为什么您会不怕麻烦来这借5000元呢？”

商人回答：“除了您这我还能在纽约市的其他地方只需付款15元就能停车两个星期吗？”

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

一个生意人走进一家酒馆，在吧台坐下，点了一杯加冰的双料martini。喝完，那生意人往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又让服务员把杯子满上。喝完，生意人又往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼，然后又让服务生帮他把杯子满上。这时酒馆的服务生说话了，“呃，老兄，我整个晚上给你倒martini都没有问题，但你得告诉我，你为什么在点下一杯酒前都要往自己衬衣的口袋里偷偷看那么一眼”。生意人回答，“我看的是我老婆的一张照片。如果照片上的人开始变得好看起来，那就说明我喝得差不多了，该回家了。”