Teacher: If you had five chocolate bars, and your younger sister asked you for one, how many would you have left?

Terry: Five!

老师：假如你有五块巧克力，你妹妹问你要一块，你还剩几块？

特里：还剩五块！

I am Acting Like a Lady! 我要表现得象位女士！


One day when womens dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed. "You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Cant you act like a gentleman?" "Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位看起来很高贵的中年男子想给太太买一件。但是不久他就发现自己被疯狂的女人们挤得不成样子了。 他尽力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，猛烈地舞动着手臂挤过人群。 “你干嘛？”有人在尖叫，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？” “听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象位女士。”

Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?

Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn't notice the other.

妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗？

约翰尼：哦，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。

"Gerald," asked the teacher, "what is the shape of the earth?"

"It's round," answered Gerald.

"How do you know it's round?" continued the teacher. "All right, it's square then," he replied, " I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!"

“杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？”

“是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。

“你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。

“好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！”

My 15-year-old son came bounding in from school and found me in bed. "Don't you feel well, Mom?" he asked with concern. "No, I don't，" I said. "Well, don't you worry about dinner," he reassured me. "I'll carry you down to the stove."

我十五岁的儿子连跑带颠地跑回家里发现我躺在床上。“妈妈，您觉得不舒服吗？”他关心地问。“是的，我有点不舒服，”我说。“那么，您别担心晚饭了。”他向我打保票说：“我可以把你背到楼下的炉灶前去。”

At the age of 16, Edely decided to leave home and join a theater company. His father was appalled, "A son of mine on the stage? It's a disgrace!" he wailed. "What if the neighbors find out?"

"I'll change my name," the comic-to-be volunteered. "

Change your name!" His father screamed. "What if you're a success? How will the neighbors know it's my son?"

埃迪十六岁了，他决定离开家去参加一个剧团。他的爸爸气坏了。 “让我的儿子上舞台演戏？真丢脸！”他大叫道，“邻居们知道了怎么想？”

“我会改一个名字。”这位未来的滑稽演员主动提出。

“改名字！”他爸爸喊叫着，“那如果你出了名怎么办？怎么让邻居们知道你就是我的儿子呢？”


  

A new restaurant opened in our town, so my husband, Walter, and I decided to try it. As the waitress took our order, Walter asked if the coffee was fresh. "I'm sure it is," answered the waitress. "We've only been open two weeks."

镇上开了家新餐馆，我丈夫Walter和我决定去尝尝。女招待给我们写菜时，Walter问餐馆的咖啡是否新鲜。“绝对新鲜，”，女招待回答说，“我们才刚开了两星期。”

One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

"Fine. I used to be the one who couldn't understand Englishmen, and now it's Englishmen who can't understand me."

一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样了？”

“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了”

Son: Is ink so very expensive, father?

Father: Why, son, what makes you think so?

Son: W...well. Mother seems quite disturbed because I spilled some on the carpet.

儿子：爸爸，墨水很贵吗？

父亲：不贵呀，你为什么这么想？

儿子：哦，我把墨水洒了一点在地毯上，妈妈好象挺着急的。

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"


"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"


Tom早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，Tom去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。Tom照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。Tom从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。


“老板”，Tom说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了！”


“是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”？