An Absolute Zero 零分

Student: I don't think I deserve an absolute zero. Professor: Neither do I, but it is the lowest mark that I am allowed to give.

学生：我认为我不应该得零分。

教授：我也这么认为，但这是允许我打的最低分数。

An Abstract Noun 抽象名词

Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?

Jane: I don't know, madam.

Teacher: What , you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.

Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.

老师：珍妮，什么叫抽象名词？

珍妮：我不知道，老师。

老师：什么，你不知道！抽象名词就是能想象但是不能摸到的东西的名称。好，给我举一个例子。

珍妮：一把烧得通红的拨火棍，老师。

An Abstract Noun 抽象名词

Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?

Jane: I don't know, madam.

Teacher: What , you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.

Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.

老师：珍妮，什么叫抽象名词？

珍妮：我不知道，老师。

老师：什么，你不知道！抽象名词就是能想象但是不能摸到的东西的名称。好，给我举一个例子。

珍妮：一把烧得通红的拨火棍，老师。

Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.


Walter: What was it?


Teacher: Eggs.


Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.


教师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸？我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。


沃尔特：我吃了什么？


教师：鸡蛋。


沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

Teacher: Walter, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.


Walter: What was it?


Teacher: Eggs.


Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.


教师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸？我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。


沃尔特：我吃了什么？


教师：鸡蛋。


沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

一个年轻人的公司刚刚开张。他租用了漂亮的办公室，办公室内还放上了古董作装饰。这天，这位年轻人正在办公室里面坐着，他看到一个男的走进了办公室。为显示他是个成功的老板，这位年轻的生意人拿起电话假装正在谈大买卖，张觜就是三、五个亿，闭觜就说一切搞定、没问题！好不容易电话“打”完，挂上听筒，年轻人问进来的那人，“您有事吗？”那人说，“有事，我是来给你开通电话的”。

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."


"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."


"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."


"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."


蒙特利尔咖啡馆的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的水龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”


“可是，先生，C代表Chaude，在法语里代表'热'。如果您住在蒙特利尔的话就应该知道这一点。”


“等等，”那位顾客咆哮着，“另外一个龙头标的也是C。”


“那当然，”经理说道：“这个C代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”

Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The hospital worker said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." Regardless, the patient refused to eat it. That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Joe. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. He told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind!"


Joe在住院，一天午餐时间，他看了看自己的饭菜，说：“我不喜欢鸡汤，拿点别的给我吧。”医院的护工说：“鸡汤对您的身体有好处，医生说您得喝这个。” 无论如何，Joe还是不肯喝。那天晚上，和Joe同房间的一个病人得了严重的胃病，于是护士过来给他灌肠。可是他们搞错了，给Joe做了灌肠。第二个礼拜，Joe出院时，新住进来的病人问他觉得医院怎么样。Joe告诉他：“这个医院本身是很好的，但是他们对伙食真的很严格，如果他们让你喝鸡汤，你最好喝了它，不然他们会半夜过来硬是从你后面塞进去！”

Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
Tom教授打算第二天与他的学生见面，因此他在黑板上写道：“Tom教授明天将和大家见面”。
一位学生看到这条通知后，觉得展示自己幽默感的机会来了，就走上前，将“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授听到笑声，转过身走回来，看了看那位学生，又看看被改动过的通知，不动声色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的学生，教授扬长而去。
注：lass情人
       ass 屁股，驴子，愚蠢